will i ever learn to love my self?

will i ever learn to love my self?

i was told once that you cant love someone else until you learn to love yourself. i wonder if im ever going to learn to love my self. yes i love bits and parts of myself. but i dont love everything about my self.
i hate:
~the mole on my cheek
~my cubby chin
~my stomach
~how i talk
~my lisp
~my feet
~my legs

but i love:
~my singing voice
~my music
~my hair
~my eyes

there isnt much to love when you get told that you are ugly and are worthless. people never understood the pain a girl goes through. we have to deal with so much more pain then people realise. girls dont get in to fist fights like guys we just do emotional damage. and sometimes thats all it takes to drive a person over the edge.

this is my second post today because i am avoding school work and trying to make my self feel beautiful. this picture is from yestuday. and it felt amazing. i curled myy hair and did my make up later that night and took some selfies. i felt amazing and now i feel terriable.
its amazing how one minute you can feel perfect amazing on top of the world then the next you can feel worse the garbage. this world isnt like it use to be. i want to go back to kindergarden where it was “hi your nice wanna be friends” and then run off and play where everyone was accpeted regardless of race gender or anything else. no one cared if you had an i phone or no phone. life was amazing. we only cared if you were nice. there was no dramma. it was just go outside, play, be happy. and now its not. its hair and make up and boys and dating.

i need to getaway.


7. the month of my birthday. the min hours you need for sleep.how many bf ive had.  the amount of words that could break your heart. the amount of people who don’t read this. i made this blog in hope to reach out and talk to people i tell people about it all the time and yet no one comes. its as if i talk to my self and read my own blog more then anyone else. i may just be over reacting or i maybe just freaking out cause i want someone to be there and comment on my post and tell me something…..anything. last night i was talking with dslacky on younow.com and i sent him a link and he gave me a shout out to 40 people. he was the only one to read it.  and even then i dont know if he did or not. in this blog i may seem like im ok like i have the perfect family like im rich and smart and beautiful. but thats not even close to what i am. my sisters are dramma queens who pick on me all the time. my brother barely talks to me and im not that close with my parents. im not rich but im not poor. as for beautiful, its hard to feel when im battling insecurities and depression all the time. i have not gone to a doctor and have him tell me i have depression but i know i do. i dont smile that often and i dont laugh unless i force my self to. i was so quiet and lonely and now its worse. im in a sea of people some days and i still feel all alone. i know its not safe to keep it bottled up but i have no one to share secrets with. im all alone all the time. in school there is only 55 people at most and that includes the teachers and every grade.i have one close friend and one friend, but without someone i can share my secrets to i dont have anyone. i have my animals. but they dont talk back and tell me im beautiful. 

someone told me that a cats purr is the best medican because it is pure love.  i agree but it does solve all problems. i have not had one boyfriend for longer then months.  they didnt even love me.

1)used me to make another girl jelouse

2)used me to make another girl jelouse

3)wanted my body (but didnt get it)

4)didnt even want to date me (lasted a week friends forced him in to dating me)

5)long distance and moved on to fast(might have been cheating with what i was told) 

6)was cheating on me

7)i was a rebound.


no guy has ever treated me right and now here i am dreaming about guys i cant have that are perfect that would understand me and would take care of me. where is my Mr. Right?

some one please save me



YounowSnapshot_DSlacky_1got a picture of daniel ❤asd (random pic of me <3)

there is a guy on youtube and twitter and instagram and my favorite younow. and he is the sweetest guy on the face of the planet.  he is always trying to make everyone smile and he is supper sweet.  his name is daniel slack. he is supper sweet. he always is making girls smile and swoon. if you are not following this boy you are missing out big time.

youtube: www.youtube.com/user/TheDanielSlack

twitter: @dslacky

find this babe he is da bomb ❤

she ain’t you

every guy wants a girl who is perfect. someone who makes him sandwiches and plays videos and gives him sex. mean while every girl wants a guy to hold her bring flowers and tell her she’s beautiful. in reality you get what your given. and as for me. i want a guy who wont hit me and will be able to handle my every changing moods with my bipolar fucked upness. who understands how to calm me and can be there when i need him the most. who wont force me in to having sex and will be happy just holding me. i dont need all of it. just someone who understands me and loves me. this is why i think most people marry there best friends. my best guy friend is my ex and he doesnt like me the way i use to. i’ve finally moved on. but now im looking for someone else to hold and love. but the chances of that happening are zip to none.
this is a list of the guys i liked in the past year and why i dont have a bf right now.
1)doesnt believe in love
2)wants a different girl
3)hates me
4)is a jerk after he found out.
5)is my ex
6)doesnt know i like him
7)lives far away
8)havent met him yet (dream guy)

one day i will find the cute emo boy who loves me and can tame my wild bipolar side. till then im just goanna be the sexy little flirt i am. ❤ kik me boys between 16-18 no nudes or perves. kik: 4everbeautiful97



somedays i ask why am i alone? do they even care? why cant i just be like them? then i ask the most important question ever. why do i even care?
i didnt care before. if i had one friend i was happy and now i have no one. its like someone gave me a puppy and i loved that puppy very much then one day. that puppy was taken by the same person. and now im all alone
people didnt care what you were wwhen they were younger. it only matters now. if you dont have the iphone or if ur clothing isnt the best brand name you cant be popular. theres something wrong with you. somedays i wish i could just go back in time when people just wanted you to be happy.

theres a girl on my bus. her teeth are discusting. they go every way and are missing. she always looks messy and her hair is frizzy. i dont like her. not because of how she looks but the way she acts. she never listens and she is really rude. she depands everything and takes what she has for grantted. she picks on people all the time. most times i would just become a bitch and tell her off but with this girl i cant. she is only 6. she crys and throws fits all the time. i made her “cry” once because they were picking on the 9 year old i babysit. she had spilled pudding by accented on a kids 80$. that he wore to school. knowing that they were gonna get dirty. she had said sorry a million times and cleaned off his shoes the best she could. later that day on the bus they were saying that she did it on purpose and that she could have cleaned it better. when i heard this i just about freaked out. i asked her what happened and she told me and the boy his female friend and this little girl all kept saying she did it on purpose and she didnt clean it enough. i steped in. i said i know her and she wouldnt do it and they were bullying her. they were saying they werent and then i told them that she was getting upset. i could see the tears in her eyes. they said she wasnt i said she was and she nodded. then the bus driver stepped in and said that he would turn the bus around if this didnt end. the whole time i was thinking go right ahead. i didnt do anything wrong. i was protecting my friend from bullying. he didnt but i would have loved to. that would have made me smile.

and now as i write this i am alone in the library with no one around. i dont like being alone it puts ideas in my head some of them scare me. i need someone to be with me once in a while.

Do you

Do you ever feel like your not where your sappouse to be. Like nothing your learning stays with you like the world has forgotten about you.its as if every one else knows who they are and your the only one who doesn’t belong ever wonder if theres something different about you and everyone knows it but you. They start treating you differently like you aren’t as good as every one else like there’s something missing from you something everyone else has but you.everyone else has the keys to the door of susess but not you.your going back through the doors you already opened trying to find that price of you that’s missing

Do you ever feel all alone even thought there’s a million people around you.I’m like this every day.im surrounded by people but no one talks to me no one looks at me.you don’t know how alone you truly are until some one finally talks to you.this is me.I’m alone no one talks to me I’m just there I’m not.