show your true colors

everyone has colors some of them aren’t as true as others but its the way you chose to express yourself. i died my hair orange today to show my differences. im not the same as anyone out there. no one is. show your true colors. 

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sorry about the pictures if they suck

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mistakes

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people make mistakes and sometimes it drives people they love away. i know because i screwed up dearly with two of my closest friends and now i dont know how to make it up to them. but im going to keep trying untill they both give me another chance. i didnt mean to hurt them but the pain from the bulling and the hate i was getting and the pressure to be perfect became to much. i threw and broke my phone then i ruined two friendships. im going to try as hard as i can to make it up to the two people i use to be supper close to and im not going to stop until we can at least talk about things and be civil. 

i want my friends back and i will get them back. im not losing two of the most important people in my life to mistakes i made due to a break down when we should be thicker than butter. we should be three peas in a pod. not burning bridges. so if they are reading this please give me a second chance to prove to you that im not some bitch who is going to hurt you again. i just want my friends back. 

 

 

where were you

where were you when i needed you the most?
where were you when i was falling apart?
where were you when i was losing my self?
where were you when i was breaking inside?
where were you when i couldn’t take it anymore?
where were you when i took all the pain away?

tell me where were you when i needed you the most?

sweet lullaby

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sweet lullaby

you heard me cry

you told me everything was alright

I’ve heard you say so many things before today

most of it was a lie

Sparkling angel in my eyes

please don’t let me die

these words all so deadly

wont let me fly

be free for me

but please dont every cry

in darkness

in light

i wont ever die

between you and I

your the reason why

these broken wings of mine

wont ever let me fly

sweet lullaby

you heard me cry

i felt so high

but when i fell through those clouds

you weren’t there to catch me

when i asked you to come back

you didn’t stop to chat

i just thought you were the one

everyone says there will come a day where i have to change

and i wont be coming back

but one day you’ll realize it and ask me to come home

ill just keep ridding on

sweet lullaby

tell him good bye

i wont look back

i wont get trapped

ill try and find a way to move on

till i under stand whats really going on.

this wasn’t meant to be

this isn’t how i use to be.

sparkling angel please save me

before its too late

take me away

from all the hate and the pain

i cant stay here

its time to move on

please say you’ll take me away.

will i ever learn to love my self?

will i ever learn to love my self?

i was told once that you cant love someone else until you learn to love yourself. i wonder if im ever going to learn to love my self. yes i love bits and parts of myself. but i dont love everything about my self.
i hate:
~the mole on my cheek
~my cubby chin
~my stomach
~how i talk
~my lisp
~my feet
~my legs

but i love:
~my singing voice
~my music
~my hair
~my eyes

there isnt much to love when you get told that you are ugly and are worthless. people never understood the pain a girl goes through. we have to deal with so much more pain then people realise. girls dont get in to fist fights like guys we just do emotional damage. and sometimes thats all it takes to drive a person over the edge.

this is my second post today because i am avoding school work and trying to make my self feel beautiful. this picture is from yestuday. and it felt amazing. i curled myy hair and did my make up later that night and took some selfies. i felt amazing and now i feel terriable.
its amazing how one minute you can feel perfect amazing on top of the world then the next you can feel worse the garbage. this world isnt like it use to be. i want to go back to kindergarden where it was “hi your nice wanna be friends” and then run off and play where everyone was accpeted regardless of race gender or anything else. no one cared if you had an i phone or no phone. life was amazing. we only cared if you were nice. there was no dramma. it was just go outside, play, be happy. and now its not. its hair and make up and boys and dating.

i need to getaway.

7.

7. the month of my birthday. the min hours you need for sleep.how many bf ive had.  the amount of words that could break your heart. the amount of people who don’t read this. i made this blog in hope to reach out and talk to people i tell people about it all the time and yet no one comes. its as if i talk to my self and read my own blog more then anyone else. i may just be over reacting or i maybe just freaking out cause i want someone to be there and comment on my post and tell me something…..anything. last night i was talking with dslacky on younow.com and i sent him a link and he gave me a shout out to 40 people. he was the only one to read it.  and even then i dont know if he did or not. in this blog i may seem like im ok like i have the perfect family like im rich and smart and beautiful. but thats not even close to what i am. my sisters are dramma queens who pick on me all the time. my brother barely talks to me and im not that close with my parents. im not rich but im not poor. as for beautiful, its hard to feel when im battling insecurities and depression all the time. i have not gone to a doctor and have him tell me i have depression but i know i do. i dont smile that often and i dont laugh unless i force my self to. i was so quiet and lonely and now its worse. im in a sea of people some days and i still feel all alone. i know its not safe to keep it bottled up but i have no one to share secrets with. im all alone all the time. in school there is only 55 people at most and that includes the teachers and every grade.i have one close friend and one friend, but without someone i can share my secrets to i dont have anyone. i have my animals. but they dont talk back and tell me im beautiful. 

someone told me that a cats purr is the best medican because it is pure love.  i agree but it does solve all problems. i have not had one boyfriend for longer then months.  they didnt even love me.

1)used me to make another girl jelouse

2)used me to make another girl jelouse

3)wanted my body (but didnt get it)

4)didnt even want to date me (lasted a week friends forced him in to dating me)

5)long distance and moved on to fast(might have been cheating with what i was told) 

6)was cheating on me

7)i was a rebound.

 

no guy has ever treated me right and now here i am dreaming about guys i cant have that are perfect that would understand me and would take care of me. where is my Mr. Right?

some one please save me