lonely

lonely

somedays i ask why am i alone? do they even care? why cant i just be like them? then i ask the most important question ever. why do i even care?
i didnt care before. if i had one friend i was happy and now i have no one. its like someone gave me a puppy and i loved that puppy very much then one day. that puppy was taken by the same person. and now im all alone
people didnt care what you were wwhen they were younger. it only matters now. if you dont have the iphone or if ur clothing isnt the best brand name you cant be popular. theres something wrong with you. somedays i wish i could just go back in time when people just wanted you to be happy.

theres a girl on my bus. her teeth are discusting. they go every way and are missing. she always looks messy and her hair is frizzy. i dont like her. not because of how she looks but the way she acts. she never listens and she is really rude. she depands everything and takes what she has for grantted. she picks on people all the time. most times i would just become a bitch and tell her off but with this girl i cant. she is only 6. she crys and throws fits all the time. i made her “cry” once because they were picking on the 9 year old i babysit. she had spilled pudding by accented on a kids 80$. that he wore to school. knowing that they were gonna get dirty. she had said sorry a million times and cleaned off his shoes the best she could. later that day on the bus they were saying that she did it on purpose and that she could have cleaned it better. when i heard this i just about freaked out. i asked her what happened and she told me and the boy his female friend and this little girl all kept saying she did it on purpose and she didnt clean it enough. i steped in. i said i know her and she wouldnt do it and they were bullying her. they were saying they werent and then i told them that she was getting upset. i could see the tears in her eyes. they said she wasnt i said she was and she nodded. then the bus driver stepped in and said that he would turn the bus around if this didnt end. the whole time i was thinking go right ahead. i didnt do anything wrong. i was protecting my friend from bullying. he didnt but i would have loved to. that would have made me smile.

and now as i write this i am alone in the library with no one around. i dont like being alone it puts ideas in my head some of them scare me. i need someone to be with me once in a while.

Do you

Do you ever feel like your not where your sappouse to be. Like nothing your learning stays with you like the world has forgotten about you.its as if every one else knows who they are and your the only one who doesn’t belong ever wonder if theres something different about you and everyone knows it but you. They start treating you differently like you aren’t as good as every one else like there’s something missing from you something everyone else has but you.everyone else has the keys to the door of susess but not you.your going back through the doors you already opened trying to find that price of you that’s missing

Do you ever feel all alone even thought there’s a million people around you.I’m like this every day.im surrounded by people but no one talks to me no one looks at me.you don’t know how alone you truly are until some one finally talks to you.this is me.I’m alone no one talks to me I’m just there I’m not.

I am scared to death of death

I am scared to death of death

is there an after life? after we die is it just the end? no weird things that could prove there is something after this. i like to believe there is an after life. but the truth is im too scared to die. i want to know something, anything. that after i die i can see my family again. i dont want this life to be over

rebelling

rebelling

parents dont get it. we rebel because we feel the need. if you have a younger brother or sister and they something bad, well then your fucked. your parents automaticaly assume they learned it from you. i woke up feeling a little sick this morning and my parents assumed that it was because i was up late on my computer. truth was i was just feeling sick. i threw up again at school but pushed through. parents dont get that though. my sister stayed up late on her computer and they are telling me that at night my computer has to come out at night. because she messed up and now i have to pay for it. this picture was taken sunday. i edited it today. i was happy then my parents came home and didnt even say hi. they just started complaining about the dishes not being done. sometimes i wish i was living on my own. but then they do nice things for me and i dont. parents dont understand how we feel. yes they were teens to but not now. sometimes they just think that we did what we did for fun. but our acts of anger and hate are rewarded more then our acts of love. in other words when we do bad we get attention when we do good we dont get as much. why?

school

I hate school. when i think of school i think of the bullying, the pain, the hate. the suffering i went through. the sound of my cries during the night. the fresh tears that had randomly came. when i think about going back to school the next day after a nice weekend i think of this and try to get out of it. the fear has replaced the joy. the happiness that most kids feel when they go to school is gone. i hate it. i know what its like to be in the place where no one wants you, where your unloved. when i think of school i think of this. i think of the possibility of going back to this pain. this hate that everyone had for me. the words they said. the sounds they made. the looks they gave. all of it was like a knife to my heart. if my heart was surrounded by walls the words were bombs. each one broke some of the wall. i didn’t always have time to repair it. the walls grew weaker over time. each blow felt stronger. each wall felt thinner. smaller. i was running out of bricks and was using weaker supplies. the weaker supplies slowly disappearing. soon it would be gone and i would be dying. finally it was happening. the supplies were gone and the walls crumbling. the tears created floods, the shaky breaths like an earth quake, even the words were to weak to save the remainders of my walls.

there is someone out there who needs to be saved. someone who is about to break. who feels different because no one accepts her/him for his/her self. it may be you it may be your best friend. it could be someone who looks like they are in the best possible way.

save them before its too late.